One Year

I’ve been unemployed for a year now! I can’t believe how quickly it has gone by.

Of course I’ve done some piece work. I did some travelling. I read a few books. I learned what I’m NOT good at. But I’m still just as directionless as I was then. That makes me feel sad. I know what I’d like to be doing, but apparently it doesn’t want me doing it. (hmm that sounds kind of dirty)

On the other hand, some of the bigger things that were poisoning my interior life, I let go of earlier this year and I feel much better for that. Now if only I could catch another wind of change….

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Living the Recorded Life

Lately I’ve spent a bit of time thinking about how much of my life I expose to the world via blogging and twitter. While I’ve considered the false intimacy that the online world creates before, I’ve lately been wondering to what degree knowing I will be eventually blogging about something shapes my decisions.

It’s true that the most private details of my life remain just that–private. I do not keep a really really personal blog where I talk about the daily parts of my life, however, in some ways I still consider my blogs intensely personal as they reflect my inner life–my thoughts, how I came to them, the questions I have. While I use the tools of pop culture to arrive at these discussions and thoughts, it doesn’t mean they aren’t real.

I was recently talking with my friend Nicole, and I mentioned that if we could get our TV blog really going, I could step back from my book blog. She was surprised to hear me say this, I think, and questioned it. The truth is that at the moment the TV blog is new and exciting. I have so much to say about the television arts that I haven’t had the chance to express before. But she’s right…I could never REALLY step back from the book blog. The reason? I no longer really feel like I’ve finished reading a book until I’ve written a review. Reviewing books, or publicly reacting to books, has completely changed the way I read. I think it’s made me a better reader in many ways. I no longer consider simply reading a book for its own sake, I consider how the book fits into my reading life as a whole and what it reveals about the world and society. I also remember the experience of reading a book much better when I write a review, and often refine my own thinking about it.

I’m discovering the same to be true with the TV blog. I start out with a general idea of what I want to write about and end up with much clearer thoughts on what I really think. In many ways, writing is helping me to discover who I am and what I think.

There has to be a danger in keeping as many blogs as I do, and yes I’m in the beginning stages of planning another–a bigger and more important one to my mind. Life is lived with an eye to what can be recorded, what kernel of truth can be massaged out and put to text. A book is never just a book, a TV show is never just a way to kill an hour. They are vehicles to discuss something else, something bigger.

And now there’s a way to share everything. There’s twitter and tumblr for the smaller moments and blogs for the bigger things. It’s possible to display everything in your life in some way online. And I enjoy so much of it, but I know that I need to be wise. Some things need to be just for me.

I know many of you who read this are bloggers…how do you deal with the recorded life?